TGIF - what a (transport) week ........

Where do you start - don't worry this is going to be a fully justified attack on public transport - libellous even....let's go for it ... Network Rail - incompetent; Northern Rail - complete crap; First Trans-Pennine - useless- feel free to mix'n'match - that's a start anyway - I wouldn't trust any of those three "profit centres" to organise my Christmas party - they couldn't organise a p*ss up in a brewery !!!

Go back to Monday when the first train is over ten minutes late - this naturally has the "knock on" effect leaving me arriving at work over 30 minutes late - and therefore playing "catch-up" on my hours before I've even got to work - and what makes it worse is that I know this before I've even left Stalybridge !!!

Trains in the evening have been dutifully "late" - one thing that p*sses me off at Stockport is that you cannot board a Virgin Train heading towards Manchester - it's set-down only - and NO-ONE has ever given me a valid reason for this - whether it's Branson's arrogance/power trip (he should NEVER be allowed to forget that if it wasn't for Mike Oldfield and "Tubular Bells", he'd still be a "one bit" record shop owner in Notting Hill Gate) - but as such he's become a powerful w*nker who similarly appears to care little for his customers - "New Virgin" if you like - something like "New Labour" - nice people who suddenly get the power trip and become greedy bar stewards - remember Jack Straw and Harriet Harman (just two examples - there are many many more) who were once quite radical - look at them now ...... xenophobic fascists by any other name )

Meanwhile back on the platform ... so I'm down on hours even before arriving at work on Monday ... and Branson's Pendolinos (phew the speed ....) slow me down coming home - cus they get in the way of the trains that I AM allowed to catch (sorry this is me who spends over a grand a year on season tickets)... and then we get the absolute cr*p that is platform 13 on Manchester Piccadilly and the trains to Stalybridge - mostly the 1712 - an interesting time that is NEVER MET - EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK - EXCUSE MY SHOUTING BUT THIS TRAIN IS LATE EVERY DAY .. aah that's better - in fact today it was SO late I wandered off to catch the 1725 - because that left earlier .... late last week there was something in the papers about First Trans-Pennine having a 12% rise in passengers - it's just a crying shame that the size of their trains remain the same - they were overcrowded before this rise - now they're little more than cattle trucks in peak hours - our local paper this week shows our local MP - James "Photoshop" Purnell - suffering on a peak-hour train and saying "It's unacceptable" - sorry little Jimmy it's been unacceptable for many many years - 1995 ??? - John Major ??? - don't take this the wrong way, but I often think that the passengers on the 0735 to Auschwitz had a better ride (and it was probably on time) - and before the pc/moral high ground people start to whine - I'm talking about the train ride - not "what happened next" (I put this rider in because there are so many people out in "real world" today who are looking for something to hang their self-publicising hat on (think the Russell Brand/Jonny Woss/Jeremy Paxman type thingies - you get my drift) - so trains to Man Picc vs trains to Auschwitz is probably a handy hanger for these same sad people ....just get back to your John Sargeant petitions or something equally vital to the state of the nation ....)

To return to trains - the beauty of some of these late late trains is the "automated robowoman" - the guard can press "Button A" and we get the monotone/really emotional (ha !) announcement that "First Trans-Pennine apologise for the delay and the inconvenience caused" - that ALWAYS makes me feel better/comforted that they really really care ... my arse .... 'tis much the same on the platforms with these new "multi-million pound" high-tech passenger information systems - that say that the 1712 train is "on time" - despite the clock saying 1715 - and then - all of a sudden - the train becomes due at 1721 - I particularly like the one at Stalybridge where trains can "change places" regarding what comes in next ... I look at these things and think ... money well spent - a bit like the improvements to Stalybridge Booking Office - due for completion in July 2008 - still nowhere near finished - or the revamp of Greenfield Station that's ground to a halt because the contractor has allegedly "gone bust" - which naturally brings me on to the ... CONGESTION CHARGE ......!!!!

For those outside Greater Manchester ... the idea is to bring in a Congestion Charge - a little like Ken Livvies Greater London thingy (OK I guess it's Boris's Baby now) - but in Manc it's "Vote YES for the Congestion Charge - and we'll spend £3 billion on improving public transport". Now I - as a public transport user/sufferer - feel that the Congestion Charge is an absolute disgrace - because it's far too low.... I know many people who are opposed to it -they are the people who worship at the altar of the internal combustion engine - they are the people who make Mrs Smiffy's parking of our one car next to impossible when you live on a terraced street where two people - one house - two cars is the norm - on a street where I often think 70% of the people only ever leave the street on four wheels - they never walk !!!

However my support for the £3 billion public transport "sweetener" is tempered by the "view of the cynic" - how much of that £3 billion will actually go into public transport improvements - how much will be wasted on "consulatative exercises", "consultants fees", "meetings", "publicity exercises" and other such crap - my cynical guess is a good chunk - we will not get £3 billion of improvements - they talk of extra carriages on trains - that means that some of the £3 billion will go into private "profit making" companies - and the people who own the rolling stock are as much "profit centres" as Northern Rail/First Trans-Pennine etc - naturally the same goes for the deregulated (i.e. private profit based) bus companies - Stagecoach/First Bus etc etc.

So really a great idea will end up improving the lot of private companies - no doubt the people who run the congestion charge hardware/software will be some subbed-out profiteers on behalf of Greater Manchester Council - emphasis on the "on behalf" - they'll be in it for profit - and bollocks to the customers.

So yes the public transport users will get screwed for profit - as will the car owners/congestion charge payers - there'll be many many people making a few bob out of this on both sides.

Oh and before I forget - talking about useless tossers who don't give a monkeys about the customers - check out the new Northern Rail timetable (starts 14th December) - at present trains leave Mossley at 0654, 0724 and 0757 for Manchester - the new timetable shows me 0654, 0724 and then 0807 !! Yep - if you miss the 0724 - you've a 43 minute wait - at peak time !! My guess therefore is that more people will go for the already overcrowded 0724 - and God help those who get on at Ashton (two stops down) - it's already full at Mossley ! No doubt there will be copious apologies for the overcrowding - but never mind, Northern Rail will be able to post a good percentage increase on passenger traffic next year - with actually giving a toss !!! Magic isn't it ....

Just in case you've forgotten - the idea was to point out - Network Rail - incompetent; Northern Rail - complete crap; First Trans-Pennine - useless. I guess tomorrow I will be using the trains in my leisure time - no doubt they will be similarly p*ss poor (that is of course assuming they've not been replaced by buses - it is the weekend after all and no-one travels by train on Saturdays/Sundays do they ???)
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